GOOOOOD FRIDAY YA’LL.
How pleased are we all that its Friday? I know I am.
So this post is going to be about that fact that in 7 days I am going to be facing my fear of flying… If you didn’t already get that from the title.
Since I have been suffering with Anxiety & Panic Attacks which has been 5 years now by the way, I have only been on a plane twice. When I went on a plane in 2013 to go to Turkey I was absolutely fine, I had no anxieties about it whatsoever until I was literally about to board the plane I just got myself in such a state, I had taken Diazepam and was waiting for it to kick in and make me mellow out. Finally it did and by that point I was so calm the plane was like the best place on earth. Funny how your mind can go from something being the worst most scariest thing in the world to the best most amazing thing ever… Haha.
On the plane home from Turkey I was not so calm before hand. I spent my weeks holiday in such a horrendous state of anxiety, I was worrying about the flight home the whole time I was away, which as you can imagine is not the most enjoyable thing to be doing. When we were at the airport our flight was delayed, I can’t remember how long it was delayed by but in my head this was the worst thing ever. I was trapped in this hot stuffy foreign airport and I couldn’t get out when I was panicking. As most people who suffer with anxiety or panic attacks the wait for something is always the worst. With my anxiety I always feel like I have to do something there and then before my mind eats away at me and I no longer have the confidence to do it. This is exactly why I did not deal with the plane being delayed which means more time to think = more time to panic.
I finally got on the plane and was crying, shaking and all other fun stuff that happens when you have a Panny A, the air hostesses both ways were absolutely fantastic and really understanding. At one point they let me come and sit on the floor where they cook the food and they shut the curtains around me so no one could see that I was having a panic attack. Which was very kind of them. They always came over to tell me when turbulence was expected and how long it was roughly going to be for. Yet again I had taken diazepam to ease my nerves so within half an hour on to the plane I was away with the fairies, loving my life.
Last year me and my partner decided to book and plan a holiday to the south of France, we decided we would drive, get the ferry and stay in hotels along the way until we reached our destination. What a great idea… I don’t have to deal with flying, yeah I had to deal with the ferry but in my head the ferry was going to be fine as I could walk around etc. But yet again my anxiety completely got the better of me when it came to going away, we ended up cancelling our trip about a month before.
A few months ago, my partner and I had a discussion and I said that I really would love to go to Dublin and it is probably the most appropriate flight for me to go on and get me back in to the swing of flying, with it being a short flight. So we booked it there and then. I have had no real feelings of anxiety towards the trip except for now, every time I think of the plane my stomach literally feel like it flips upside down and I just have this sheet of anxiety over me everyday. This time I really am not going to let it beat me, I have been to the doctors and stocked up on Diazepam for the flight. So hopefully if I take it all at the right times I should be absolutely fine!
The thing is, I never ever used to be scared of flying. I used to love the entire experience, going to the airport and getting on the flight, I used to get such a buzz out of it and I used to love that holiday feeling. I think I just need to get myself back in to that head space of it being a really exciting time and not linking it with an anxious thing.
I am not scared of planes or what’s going to happen or any of the usual things that people are scared of when it comes to flying. My issues are that I cannot get off, when I am panicking I need to remove myself of my current surroundings and get outside. You absolutely cannot do that on a plane for obvious reasons. Which is the core issue in all of this for me. Also dealing with Claustrophobia doesn’t help when it comes to planes especially when I am dealing with all the anxiety and panic.
Hopefully I can put up a post in a few weeks time telling you all about the amazing time I had in Dublin and tell you all about the flight and my experience.
This will be such a massive achievement for me and huge kick in the dick to anxiety. I can say HA I beat you. What a feeling that would be…
Keep all your fingers and toes crossed for me that it will all run smoothly!
Thanks so much for reading you lovely lot.
Love From Liv xo