Its Only A Pill…

In 2009 I made a decision to start using the pill, Microgynon. It was to reduce period pain and act as a contraceptive. I enjoyed using this pill, it was easy to remember and made me feel in control of my periods and life haha. The downside of being a female is definitely those damn periods but with this pill I could decide when they occurred. If I went on holiday, I could continue this pill and not have a period… Happy days, or so I thought!

In 2011 I had many life changes, two deaths to the 2 most influential people in my life, One being very sudden. This is why I felt like I was having increased headaches. I changed my job and put all of my energies into a new career, whilst going through grieving for two people and a long-term breakup. The stress turned into headaches that would very quickly turn in to migraines. I found myself napping a lot more, having tunnel vision and seeing white specs of something in the corner of my right eye which was blurring my vision. I put it all down to stress, which seemed more than relevant and would just take paracetamol.

In 2012 I had a pill check-up with the nurse at my doctors surgery. She asked how I was getting along with the pill, I said great. I was then prescribed more. The migraines were consistent and I began to feel more angry in myself. I went to the doctors to seek advice, I mentioned that I that I had been suffering with these migraines and described them in detail. The doctor then began to test my blood pressure, temperature and asked me memory based questions. To my disgust the doctor told me that I was lucky that I hadn’t had a stroke yet! A stoke? I am 22 years old. No way was this the case… right? The doctor told me to stop the pill as a matter of urgency and gave me and range of paperwork describing “migraines and auras”. I went home and sobbed? I was in shock, how could this be?

I went back to the doctor to discuss other forms of contraception. They gave me the mini pill which is Progesterone only. I was no longer allowed Oestrogen as it was dangerous to my body. With the mini pill you can bleed sometimes, never or always. This was such a risk to me considering how out of control I would now be. I took this for 9 months and I was in heaven! No period, no pain, no problems.

10 months later I began bleeding sporadically and began having the weirdest sensations of pain all the time. I ended up having a smear test done. They found abnormality and ended up having to have a camera inside to see what was going on. Everything came back fine luckily. So what was going on? For the next year I dealt with periods which came as and when they fancied, sometimes even 2 months at a time. Constant doctors appointments. My hormones were all over the place, I gained a stone and half and I just didn’t feel like me.

 

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In 2015 I went back to the doctor and asked for a change. they explained that due to me feeling slightly emotionally/mentally unstable I was unable to use the injection as contraception because it was a higher dosage of Progesterone and would be detrimental to my emotional wellbeing. They then suggested the coil, no way, absolutely not. I have heard way too many horror stories about the coil.

I left the doctors and went on to do my own research. On “Netmums” a lot of women were saying that the pill I was on Cerelle was damaging their health and their mental health and that “Cerazette” was meant to be much better. I told my doctor and they reluctantly changed it for me. They stressed that they were the same product. I used this pill for 5 months and became more spotty, more emotional and gained more weight.

In 2016 I decided enough is enough. I completely stopped taking the pill and I will never look back, it is the best decision I have made. In the 8 days I have been off the pill I have lost 8lbs, my skin is noticeably clearer and the pains have stopped. FINALLY!

The reason I am sharing this is because we all do it, we put things in to our bodies and we don’t even know what is in these products and what they are actually doing. I have done so many pregnancy tests, convinced myself I have cancer and had nervous breakdowns all because of the pill. I am so glad I have made this choice. I now need to re-educate my self on periods and keep diaries etc. In 3 months time I will be going back to the doctor, either to ask for a scan if everything continues (pains etc) or to complain if I have no more issues. I cannot believe I have gone this long and put up with all the side effects with out stopping. After talking to a few of my friends it becomes apparent that they have done the same thing as me.

*This post is simply to spread awareness if you are having side effects/irregular things happen like I did. I am aware that the pill really suits most people*

 

This is a experience of a friend of mine, not my own.

A Chapter A Day

Good Evening guys,

I used to absolutely love books, I used to be a right bookworm. I don’t really know what happened or changed. I love receiving books and buying them, I still get a buzz out of it but then they just go in a cupboard or on a shelf and get forgotten about.

When ever I look at my books I think I really must read you soon, but guess what… I never do! Poor little books.

So with this I have challenged my self to read a chapter a day starting from today. My book of choice is by Giovanna Falcone – Dream a little dream

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I really want to fall back in love with reading. If you feel the same way I do then challenge yourself to do a chapter a day… or more if you are really getting in to it!

Challenge yourself with something…

Love from,

Liv xxx

The Struggle Is Real

The Struggle Is Real

I debated a lot about actually writing this post, I was worried about being judged. Then I just thought you are all nice people and to be honest I think this is a very relatable topic as many people struggle in the same way that I do.

This post is going to be about weight and weight gain. I am going to be very honest whilst writing this wearing my heart on my sleeve in terms of emotions. I hope that you do find this post relatable, comforting and helpful.

I for one know how weight gain feels, I will hold my hands up straight away. In 2007 I reached a size 16-18 dress size, I was none the wiser of my size until I saw a photo of my self and said “OH MY GOD” I never even realised that I was the size I was. I am aware that this to some people may not be big at all. But for me personally, my height and how I carried the weight, I did not look like myself.

Immediately I said that’s it, I put myself on a strict diet and exercised 3-4 times a week, it was hard but I was incredibly determined to get back to looking and feeling like me again, I wanted to be a size 10 which would have been the skinniest I have ever been. In just under a year I went from a size 16-18 to a 6, I lost 5 stone. Which to everyone looking at me was a shocking image as I had gone from one extreme to the other. For me personally I could not see a difference, I had what is classed as ‘Body Dismorphia’, I still felt “fat”. This then took me in to a mental space I had never been in before, I then got very obsessed with food in the sense that I couldn’t eat because it would then make me gain weight. Anything I did eat I would then go to the gym and burn off x3 the amount of calories that I had consumed. To the point where I would go to the gym 3 times a day. I think the longest I went with out food was about 4-5 days I had zero appetite. It took me a very long time to get out of this frame of mind and it wasn’t the easiest process. But I did it, got my appetite back and went back to living a normal life and having a normal relationship with food. I managed to maintain my weight loss for 4 and a half years. Eating healthy and exercising. Of course I still had alcohol and bad food but I was sensible about it this time.

I had managed to maintain my weight as I got struck down by anxiety and panic attacks which made me feel unwell and not have a great appetite, especially the first few months of starting medication. Then something changed, my anxiety then made me have an appetite and I had/still have sometimes that my brain tells me that if I don’t eat very soon I will faint and I start to feel unwell. Of course I have been to the doctors, I have had all the blood tests done & ECGS – everything is fine, of course it is. The doctors just reminded me that this is part of having anxiety and health anxiety. My brain plays all the tricks on me.

So over the last 2 years my weight has slowly started creeping up, I have always been very aware of this but have felt incredibly trapped by anxiety because in my head if I didn’t have something sugary I would faint. Its a nasty cycle to be in. I have been training myself to bat away the negative thoughts with the reminder that I have had all the tests and all is ok!

If you take away anxiety and eating issues, I am always going to be someone who struggles with weight, I was a chubby child & teen. I find loosing weight hard and a real struggle. Getting up and doing exercise up to 3-4 times a week is hard. I know that I am certainly not alone in this. Weight is something we really base our happiness on sometimes and if you are not happy with yourself you feel down in the dumps, annoyed with yourself for letting it get this far & unmotivated. Also lets just throw it out there, I LOVE FOOD and so do you. I’m not ashamed to say that I am a complete foodie and generally love all the bad food BUT moderation is the key. No more eating when no one is around, eating things on the sly or snacking on chocolate in general.

I am eating healthy at the moment, I am not going to call it a diet because once it has that title my brain just goes off track and makes me go and eat all the shit!! So I have a meal plan on my fridge and saved to my phone. A shopping list printed off ready to hit the healthy aisles – if its not on the list it ain’t going in my trolley. I have tried doing Slimming World and Weight Watchers and they just don’t work for me. When I lost all my weight years ago I did it by healthy eating and exercise so I know it absolutely does work for me. I just want to get to a place where I feel comfortable in my own body. Its just about being in the right mind set, feeling motivated and ready to say no. I got taught to never deprive your body, if you want a piece of chocolate have a square, moderation is the one! You only have one life so what is the point in depriving yourself of all the goodies.

I know that weight is an incredibly sensitive subject and it makes me feel so weird that I am going to press post on this in a minute and you can all read this, but I am very open about my mental health and I feel that weight is just as important because SO many people struggle on a daily basis with their weight, me included. It does play with your mind as well as you constantly battling with yourself every day. Clothes don’t fit right, you feel uncomfortable in everything, you can’t buy the size you want and you’ve got to buy the size up and you feel horrendous but feel so stuck in a rut… I have been there 100%.

This post is in no way a sympathy vote, me boasting about anything or a selfish act. I wrote this from my heart because I truly believe that when someone is honest and transparent it makes topics like the above easier to deal with because you know that others struggle along with you. Its a hard battle but we can all do it. No one should make you feel bad about your weight or make you feel uncomfortable EVER.

Weight does not define who you are. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself.

Liv xxx

10 Ways To Try And Be A Positive Person

10 Ways To Try And Be A Positive Person

I feel that I have slightly neglected my blog over the Christmas period. As there has been so much going on. But now that the festive period is now over I can continue as normal.

I felt that this post was appropriate for this time of year. As it is the new year and we all like to try and make small changes to make this year a bit better than the last one and to try and be better people. One of my personal goals was to try and make positive changes to my life to help me overcome some anxiety issues and just to be a more positive person in general.

I chose the below as I felt that they all really stuck out to me the most out of all the ideas I had drafted. I really hope these help you if you are trying to make some positive changes in your life.

“Think positive, be positive & positive things will happen”

1. Accept who you are

I think this one is very important, in order to accept yourself for who you are means accepting a lot of things you may not like or things you do like about yourself that maybe others have put down. Every single person on this earth is different, why would you want to be anybody but you? Also once you stop comparing yourself to others you will lead a much happier life.  This is something I have been doing over the last few years, accepting me for me! As long as you are comfortable with who you are then that’s all that matters.

2. Get rid of the negativity in your life

Negativity can sometime be all around us where ever we go. We cannot fully remove this but we can try our best to close off as much as we can. If you have a negative person in your life, you have to tell them how their negativity plays a big part in how you feel or simply remove this person if they are really getting you down. If you work in a negative environment try and make a positive change to make it less negative. Negativity affects us all, its just about finding ways to shut it off or turn it in to positivity.

3. Share happiness with others

Smile, for one its contagious and you never know that one smile could brighten up someone else’s day. Surprise some one with one of their favourite things. There are many things you can do to share happiness, even just having a cup of tea with someone or giving a someone a compliment. Throw happiness round like confetti.

4. Appreciate and be grateful for as much as you can

In life sometimes we don’t take in to consideration how much trouble someone has gone to for you and we take the people in our life for granted. At times we don’t pay attention to our surroundings or the small things like the water that comes out of our taps or the electricity that powers a lot of our belongings. We all do it, we go by day to day not thinking of how fortune we are. Sometimes its good to have a sit down and really think about everything you own, have and love. Time to be more appreciative and grateful.

5. Have a break

We all live such fast paced lives. Its so easy to forget about stopping before you crash and burn. Its so important to have some relaxation, re-charge your batteries, unwind your mind & relax your body. This will make a positive effect on your life. Health is wealth, remember that.

6. Live in the now

This is something that I 100% struggle with and something I am trying daily to conquer. Many of us live in the past & many of us worry about the future whether it be near or far. I worry too much about the near future. Its all about living in the now and enjoying what is going on right now. Try not to let the past knock on your door uninvited & try not to worry about the future, I know this is all easier said than done (trust me) but it is all about trying. Life goes by too fast and we miss so many crucial moments because we are too busy not living in the now.

7. Set achievable goals

I think it is positive to always have something in front of you that you are aiming for. If you are achieving goals you are going to feel more positive in your life. Whether they be really simple goals which are important to you or something that is far out of reach but you know you can make it. Usually if you have something to focus on you will generally feel more positive.

8. Avoid situations

Now, I know that this isn’t the easiest one as something’s are just unavoidable. If you know that a situation is going to have a negative affect on how you feel mentally and physically – avoid it if you can. You will feel so much better for not being involved and keeping yourself well and positive. Only you know how things affect you, don’t let others try and sway you if you don’t want to.

9. Believe in yourself

There are always going to be people who put you down, bat your ideas away or don’t make you feel worthy. Time to say FU. I know sometimes it is really hard to believe in yourself but you have to be your number 1 fan. If everybody in life listened to those people that put them down along the way we would probably have a very empty world. If someone tells you that you aren’t capable of doing something, prove them wrong. if someone thinks your idea is ridiculous, do it anyway. If you suffer with an illness of any kind, believe in yourself that you will be ok.

10. Surround yourself with positive people

We tend to connect with other peoples feelings and emotions. If you are down in the dumps and always negative you are going to have an effect on the people who you are closed to. Other peoples emotions will affect how you feel. This is why trying to be around happy positive people is important for us. They will keep you uplifted and positive, you will also do the same for them.

Thanks for reading, I hope now you feel positive and inspired 🙂

Liv xxx

15 Ways To Make Yourself Feel Festive…

15 Ways To Make Yourself Feel Festive…

As it is literally 1 week away from Christmas, I thought I would write a post on how to make you feel festive when you are just NOT feeling it. For some reason this year I am not feeling Christmassy at all, which is probably the first time in 25 years. I have been trying to do these and I must admit they have helped me get into the Christmas groove and made me feel more excited for the Christmas period. Here are 15 ways to make you feel more festive:

1. Make sure you have an advent calendar!!

2. Hang lots of decoration’s all over the place. When it looks like Christmas threw up in your home, you’re done.

3. Put on Christmas songs LOUD and sing them at the top of your voice.

4. Go ice skating, find a nice outdoors one, they usually have a very festive feel.

5. Bake festive treats (while playing Christmas music of course).

6. Spend a day watching Christmas movies. Pick a selection, put them on and don’t move all day!

7. Have a gingerbread or eggnog latte, they are like Christmas in your mouth.

8. Get out and go shopping, all the lights and decorations should make you feel festive. Along with all the people panicking about getting last minute presents, nothing gives you the feel of Christmas quite like that.

9. Make plans with your friends and families to do festive things.

10. Make a to do list filled with all of the things you need/want to do before Christmas day.

11. Spend an evening wrapping all the gifts you have bought, listening to Christmas music, by the tree drinking a hot chocolate.

12. Make a mulled wine or a festive punch .

13. Make your house smell/room smell festive by using candles, air fresheners or baking/making something that is festive smelling.  WITH ALL OF THE CINNAMON AND CLOVES.

14. Look online and find a Christmas market that is closest to you. Go and be merry little human.

15. Wear a Christmas jumper everyday leading up till Christmas, if you want to. No one will judge you as ’tis the season.

I really hoped some of these have helped you feel more festive

Until next time…

Liv xxx

Festive Fruit Punch

Its finally Friday… Yippee!!

I decided this weeks blog post was going to be dedicated to my Festive Fruit Punch creation. With me being a boring non-drinker all the festive drinks are always filled with alcohol, so I thought I would create a recipe that was festive & fruity – which is also suitable for all ages. Winner.

I did some research as to what flavours will compliment each other and which ingredients will make this drink have that very festive December feel. I would absolutely call it a hug in mug with its fruity base, the cinnamon and cloves aromas shining through & all the warm fruit swimming around. It is definitely something you can throw together and serve on a cold winter evening or on Christmas day to warm up the family.

I liked this recipe as majority of people have this stuff in their cupboards already which makes it super quick and cheap.

This will also make your house smell incredible.

Ingredients:

1 litre orange juice (no bits)

1 litre grape juice

500ml water

1 lemon

2 oranges

1 cup blueberries

1/2 cup cranberries

2 cinnamon sticks

2 star anise

5 whole cloves

1 vanilla pod cut length ways

1 tsp ground ginger

1 tsb ground nutmeg

Method:

1. Cut one of the orange and the lemon into thin slices. Cut the other orange into wedges – you should have 8 orange wedges.

2. In a large saucepan over a medium heat, add the water. When the water is simmering turn to a low heat, add the cloves, star anise, cinnamon sticks, ginger and nutmeg.

3. Stir for a couple of minutes the pour in the grape juice and the orange juice.

4. Add the vanilla pod. Turn the heat to medium and simmer for 15 minutes.

5. Serve in glasses of your choice with a cinnamon stick for decoration.

I really hope you all enjoy this recipe if you do re-create it – if you please take a photo and tag me in it on Instagram www.instagram.com/livmayesx

Liv 🙂 xxx